Why Am I So Anxious About Making Decisions? Anxiety, Overthinking, and Fear of Making the Wrong Choice

If making decisions makes you ridiculously anxious, there's a decent chance you're not only trying to decide what you want. You're trying to make sure you don't choose wrong.

And those are two VERY different assignments.

Maybe you can spend forty minutes reading reviews before ordering something that costs $30. Maybe you ask four people what they think before making a decision you already kind of know you want to make. Bigger choices can become completely consuming. You think about the job, the relationship, the move, the school, the therapist, the house, whether to stay, whether to leave, and every time you think you're getting close to an answer, your brain finds one more angle you haven't considered yet.

Then, somehow, even after you finally decide, the thinking doesn't necessarily stop. Now you're wondering whether you should've chosen differently.

Decision anxiety is often less about the actual choice and more about what you believe it would mean to make the “wrong” one. Maybe you're afraid of regret. Maybe disappointing somebody feels awful. Maybe you don't trust yourself to recognize a good decision. Maybe you've learned that mistakes are a REALLY big deal, so choosing anything without complete certainty feels irresponsible.

The problem is that most meaningful decisions don't come with complete certainty.

At some point, you have to choose without knowing exactly how the story ends.

Which is, admittedly, a terrible system.

Why does making decisions give me so much anxiety?

Decisions create uncertainty, and anxiety would generally prefer that we eliminate uncertainty before proceeding.

If you're deciding between two jobs, anxiety wants to know which one will make you happier three years from now. If you're thinking about ending a relationship, it wants to know whether you'll regret leaving. If you're choosing where to live, it wants to know which place will ultimately be “better.”

Even smaller decisions can start feeling high stakes when your brain treats choosing as an opportunity to make a mistake.

So you try to gather more information.

Sometimes that's exactly what you need to do. A thoughtful decision SHOULD involve information.

But eventually, you may have all the information you're realistically going to get and still not feel certain.

That's usually the moment anxiety goes, Okay, but maybe we need a little MORE information.

And now you've read another twelve reviews, called your sister again, and created a spreadsheet for a decision that began with choosing a couch.

The issue isn't always that you don't know enough.

Sometimes you just don't feel safe choosing until you know the outcome.

Why am I so afraid of making the wrong decision?

Because “wrong decision” may mean something much bigger to you than simply making a choice that doesn't work out.

Maybe it means you failed.

Maybe it means you should've known better.

Maybe it means everyone who warned you was right.

Maybe it means you wasted time, money, or an opportunity.

Maybe it means you hurt someone.

Maybe it means you're going to spend the rest of your life wondering what would've happened if you'd chosen differently.

When mistakes carry that much emotional weight, of course you're going to want to prevent them.

The problem is that we tend to judge decisions by outcomes, even though you don't know the outcome when you're making the decision.

You can make an incredibly thoughtful choice with all the information available to you and still have it not work out. You can also make a somewhat questionable decision and somehow have it turn out beautifully because life is rude and refuses to follow a clean grading rubric.

A good decision isn't necessarily one that guarantees a good outcome.

Sometimes a good decision is simply one that made sense based on what you knew, needed, and valued at the time.

Is decision anxiety a form of overthinking?

It definitely can be.

When you're anxious about a decision, thinking feels productive because technically you're working on the problem. You're comparing options, researching, imagining outcomes, making lists, and asking people for advice.

The question is whether all that thinking is still giving you anything new.

Maybe you've already identified the pros and cons. You've gotten the information you need. You know what matters most to you. But instead of choosing, you start running the possibilities again because you're hoping another round of thinking will make one option feel completely safe.

That's usually where problem-solving starts turning into overthinking.

One question I like here is: What information am I still waiting for?

If you can name something concrete, maybe you actually do need more information.

But if the answer is basically, I need to know which choice I won't regret, your brain is asking for information that doesn't exist yet.

You can't know how Future You will feel about a decision you haven't made.

You can only make the best decision Current You can make.

Why do I need everyone else's opinion before I make a decision?

Because asking other people can temporarily take some of the weight off your shoulders.

If three people you trust tell you they'd make the same decision, it feels safer. You aren't choosing alone anymore. You've assembled witnesses.

And sometimes getting another perspective is genuinely helpful. Other people can see things we miss, especially when we're emotionally involved.

But if you ask enough people, eventually you're going to get conflicting advice.

Now your best friend thinks you should leave the job, your mom thinks leaving would be irresponsible, your partner thinks either choice is fine, and somebody on Reddit has somehow convinced you to move to Portugal.

We have not improved the situation.

If you notice yourself repeatedly polling everyone around you, it may be worth asking whether you're looking for perspective or permission.

Perspective helps you think.

Permission tells you that you're allowed to choose.

If you haven't had much practice trusting your own judgment, those can feel like the same thing.

Why do I keep changing my mind after I make a decision?

Because making the decision doesn't magically eliminate the other option.

This is one of the weird things about choosing: when you choose one thing, you usually give up something else.

You take the new job and lose whatever might've happened if you stayed. You leave the relationship and give up the possibility that things could've changed. You stay and give up the version of your life where you left.

That can bring up grief, doubt, curiosity, and uncertainty even when you made a decision that was right for you.

Anxiety tends to interpret those feelings as evidence.

If I'm doubting it, maybe I chose wrong.

But doubt doesn't necessarily mean the decision was wrong.

Sometimes doubt means the decision mattered.

You can miss something about the option you didn't choose and still be okay with the option you did.

Why do I regret decisions immediately after making them?

Sometimes what feels like regret is actually the discomfort of commitment.

Before you choose, every option is still technically available. Once you decide, you've closed a door, at least for now.

That can create a sudden wave of anxiety.

You might immediately start noticing everything good about the option you didn't choose and everything scary about the one you did. Your brain starts comparing your real choice, with all of its uncertainty and imperfections, to an imaginary alternative that hasn't had the opportunity to disappoint you yet.

Imaginary options are VERY competitive like that.

They don't have annoying coworkers, unforeseen expenses, bad days, complicated conversations, or consequences because they don't actually exist.

So if you feel an immediate rush of Oh God, what did I do? after making a decision, you don't necessarily need to reverse it immediately.

Sometimes your nervous system just needs a minute to catch up with the fact that the uncertainty phase is over.

Can perfectionism cause decision anxiety?

Absolutely.

Perfectionism can turn ordinary choices into situations where there is supposedly one correct answer and your job is to find it.

If you're used to getting things “right,” decisions with no obvious right answer can be incredibly uncomfortable.

You can't study harder for them.

There isn't always a rubric.

Nobody hands you the answer key afterward.

This can make perfectionistic people spend a LOT of time optimizing decisions. You compare every feature, every possible outcome, every downside, every future scenario.

And because no option is perfect, eventually you find a problem with all of them.

That's where perfectionism and anxiety make a lovely little team: perfectionism says there must be a best choice, and anxiety says you'd better find it before something goes wrong.

Sometimes there isn't a best choice.

There are just a few reasonable options with different tradeoffs.

Annoying, but freeing.

Why are small decisions sometimes harder than big decisions?

Sometimes you've already used up a lot of your decision-making energy.

If you've spent the entire day making choices at work, managing other people's needs, planning, organizing, and keeping track of a million little things, being asked what you want for dinner at 7 p.m. can feel like a personal attack.

This is sometimes called decision fatigue.

Small decisions can also become weirdly difficult when you're already anxious because your brain is treating EVERY choice like it deserves careful analysis.

What should I order?

Which shirt should I buy?

Should I send this text now or later?

Should I work out today or tomorrow?

There isn't necessarily anything emotionally significant about the choice. Your brain has just gotten into the habit of trying to optimize everything.

Sometimes you genuinely need to let a low-stakes decision be low stakes.

Pick the pasta.

If it's mediocre, we'll survive.

How do I know if I'm making the right decision?

I wish I could give you a beautiful therapist answer that magically tells you which choice is right.

Unfortunately, I also live on Earth.

Most of the time, you don't know for sure.

You can ask whether the decision fits your values, needs, priorities, and the information you have right now. You can consider the likely consequences. You can think about what matters to you rather than only what would keep everyone else happy.

You can also ask yourself something I think is really useful: If neither option came with a guarantee, which one would I choose?

Because sometimes we've spent so much time trying to identify the safer option that we've completely lost track of what we actually want.

The “right” decision may not be the one that makes you feel zero anxiety.

Big choices can feel scary even when they're right for you.

How do I stop overthinking every decision?

One thing that can help is deciding how much information a decision actually deserves.

Not every choice needs the same process.

Choosing a surgeon? Please research.

Choosing between two basically identical lamps? We may not need a focus group.

For bigger decisions, decide what information you need and what criteria actually matter before you start researching. Otherwise anxiety can keep expanding the assignment every time you get close to choosing.

It can also help to notice when you're asking the same question in different forms. If you've already talked through the decision with someone you trust, asking four more people may not give you clarity. It may just give you four more opinions to manage.

And eventually, you practice choosing before you feel completely certain.

That's the uncomfortable part.

But every time you make a reasonable decision and allow yourself to live with it, you're building evidence that you don't need perfect certainty in order to move forward.

How can I trust myself to make decisions?

Self-trust doesn't come from proving that you're always right.

Nobody has that skill.

It comes from learning that you can make thoughtful choices and handle what happens afterward.

Maybe the decision works beautifully. Great.

Maybe you learn something you couldn't have known beforehand and need to adjust. Also fine.

Maybe you eventually realize you would've chosen differently knowing what you know now.

That doesn't automatically mean Past You failed.

Past You didn't have today's information.

This is where I think people can be really hard on themselves. We look backward with everything we've learned and judge ourselves for not somehow knowing it earlier.

Self-trust sounds more like, I made the best choice I could with what I knew then, and I can make another choice now.

You are allowed to update.

What if I make the wrong decision and regret it?

You might.

I know that's probably not the soothing answer anxiety was hoping for.

But I don't think the goal is building a life where you never regret anything. That's not really available to us.

You may take a job and realize six months later that it isn't what you expected. You may date someone and eventually learn you're not compatible. You may move somewhere and miss home. You may say yes to something you later wish you'd declined.

Regret doesn't always mean the decision was a mistake.

Sometimes it means you learned something.

And sometimes you genuinely DO make a choice you'd make differently now.

You are still allowed to recover from that.

Anxiety often acts like one wrong decision could permanently derail your life, when in reality humans change direction all the time.

You can choose again.

Can therapy help with decision anxiety?

Absolutely, especially if every decision feels like a referendum on whether you're capable of running your own life.

Therapy can help you figure out what makes choosing feel so high stakes. Maybe mistakes were treated like a big deal growing up. Maybe you've spent years making decisions based on what other people need from you. Maybe you're afraid of regret, rejection, or disappointing someone. Maybe you genuinely haven't had many opportunities to trust yourself.

Instead of having your therapist become one more person who tells you what to do, good therapy can help you hear yourself more clearly.

That's important.

Because if the solution to not trusting yourself is asking your therapist to make your decisions, we have technically just hired another member of the advisory board.

The goal is helping you tolerate uncertainty, understand your own values, recognize when anxiety is running the decision-making process, and build enough trust in yourself that you can choose without needing everyone else to guarantee the outcome.

You don't need to become someone who makes every decision instantly.

You just deserve to be able to make one without putting yourself on trial afterward.

Frequently Asked Questions About Decision Anxiety

Is anxiety about making decisions normal?

Yes. Decisions naturally involve uncertainty, especially when the outcome matters to you. It becomes more of a concern when even relatively small decisions cause significant distress, you spend excessive amounts of time researching or asking for advice, you avoid making decisions altogether, or you continue second-guessing yourself long after you've chosen.

Why am I scared of making the wrong decision?

Fear of making the wrong decision can be connected to anxiety, perfectionism, fear of regret, low self-trust, previous criticism, or worrying about disappointing other people. Sometimes the deeper fear isn't the choice itself but what you believe making a mistake would say about you. Understanding that fear can make decision-making feel much less mysterious.

Is indecisiveness a symptom of anxiety?

It can be. Anxiety can make decisions harder because you're more focused on possible negative outcomes and may feel like you need certainty before choosing. Indecisiveness can also occur with depression, ADHD, perfectionism, stress, and other concerns, so difficulty making decisions doesn't automatically mean you have an anxiety disorder.

Why do I ask everyone for advice before making a decision?

Getting advice can temporarily make a decision feel safer because responsibility no longer feels like it's entirely yours. Other perspectives can absolutely be useful, but repeatedly asking people may be reassurance-seeking if you're hoping someone else can guarantee which choice is correct. If more advice consistently makes you MORE confused, it may be time to come back to what you already know and what matters to you.

Why do I regret decisions right after I make them?

The anxiety you feel after choosing may not actually be regret. Making a decision closes off other possibilities, which can create discomfort and doubt even when the choice makes sense for you. Anxiety can then interpret that discomfort as evidence that you chose incorrectly. Giving yourself time before reevaluating a decision can help you distinguish actual new information from the normal discomfort of having committed to something.

How do I stop overthinking a decision?

Decide what information you genuinely need, identify the factors that matter most, and notice when you're no longer learning anything new. If you've started repeating the same questions, seeking more opinions, or imagining increasingly unlikely scenarios, you may be looking for certainty rather than useful information. At some point, the next step is making a reasonable choice and allowing yourself to see what happens.

How can I make decisions without needing reassurance?

Start small. Practice making lower-stakes decisions without polling everyone around you, then notice what happens afterward. You may feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you're used to getting confirmation before choosing. The goal isn't to feel perfectly confident before every decision; it's learning that you can make a choice while some uncertainty is still present.

Can therapy help me trust my own decisions?

Yes. Therapy can help you understand why decision-making feels difficult, notice when anxiety or people-pleasing is influencing your choices, clarify what YOU actually value, and practice tolerating uncertainty. A good therapist isn't there to make your decisions for you. They're there to help you build enough self-trust that you don't need somebody else to hold the answer key.

Looking for Therapy for Anxiety and Overthinking in Illinois or Michigan?

If making a decision has somehow turned into interviewing everyone you know, reading everything on the internet, and STILL wondering whether you're allowed to trust yourself, we can help you slow that whole process down.

At Sohail Counseling & Care, we offer relational therapy for adults, teens, and couples throughout Illinois and Michigan. Our therapists work with anxiety, overthinking, perfectionism, people-pleasing, ADHD, relationships, trauma, identity, family dynamics, and all the ways those things tend to overlap in real life.

We offer online therapy throughout Illinois and Michigan and accept BCBS PPO, Aetna PPO, and UnitedHealthcare PPO plans, along with self-pay options.

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